Often enough it’s easier to focus on what a spectator shouldn’t do when someone has a flashback because there really is just so much individual variation in what feels safe and ok for any one of us at any given moment. Mostly we don’t understand those concepts too well, when we’re triggered. So:-
Try not to startle them. Be gentle and if you’re unsure then it’s probably best to back off.
Flashbacks are terrifying because you feel your life is at stake, again. Your body and mind don’t truly differentiate between the past and present — there’s no line. The ‘rules’ don’t apply once the fuse is blown and back-up instincts kick in.
During a flashback survivors may not be able to sense what is around them. Their perceptions are overtaken by the past or they dissociate (ie. get numb/detached). Anything you can offer to gently reorient them is valuable. It helps reset the fuse, allowing for a new process, one in which there are more options than just switching straight to back-up power. (NB: triggers ahead. take care)
Having PTSD means you’re an unconscious time-traveller, and flashbacks are tornadoes of terror which can uproot you at any moment. Your mind sometimes views ordinary objects (triggers) as life-threatening. The classic example is the Vietnam veteran who hears a helicopter and feels he’s back at war. But there are many kinds of survivors:
The rape victim who smells the cologne of her attacker and has to, just has to get away, no matter that she’s in the middle of a meeting. Body and mind assault her with fear. She reaches for a glass of water only her hand slips because she can’t feel her fingers. Panicked, she sees the face of her attacker in front of her. Her heart pounds, she’s about to throw up when someone says her name. She doesn’t hear it, can’t respond. There’s only the memory — It isn’t just a memory. The mental fuse blows. Neither here nor there, trapped by the pull of a past which won’t release her no matter that she’s safe.
All that can happen in seconds. So very easy to miss.
The reality is more complex and differs for everybody but the point is that what’s usually completely innocuous can disrupt even the simplest, most pleasant experiences of everyday life. Except a trigger isn’t just an aspect of the past. It’s a clue.
Triggers make up a trail of breadcrumbs we follow along the path to recovery. If you can take just one and slowly desensitise yourself to it with a balance of support, therapy, medication, good faith and understanding you can about always keep that trigger from blowing the fuse. Then that piece of the puzzle fits back into the story of your life.
It requires constantly coming back to your presence: see, hear, taste, smell and touch what is safe now . That is the seed of stability which grounds you in time. It grows into a tree of life, holding you in place even when you experience reminders of the horror you once knew: You bend with fear and do not break.
Hi CK, and thank you for this sequel. Your verbal pictures and your drafts of situations are very helpful as I don’t know these “things” as I know that 2+2=4.
The brain isn’t a “thing”, but then again: it is from the scientific perspective. But from inside it feels different. My inside needs these pictures on its wall to look at from time to time. In times of trouble it doesn’t hurt to have some more pictures hanging there. They come in handy. Thanks again :-)
and when you can’t bend and you “go away” then eventually come around, you kick bolders by a cliff and scream “fuckity fuck fuck fuck” at the top of your lungs, and try again the next time.
My PSTD may be different from most people’s… it is the fear of having no money and having to live on the streets. This fear comes from years and years of being a young college student, having virtually nothing (hardly any food, near eviction on a monthly basis, utilities getting shut off, you name it)- it was a terrible feeling at the time, and have been consumed by it ever since. It got so bad that I would go days without sleeping, living in fear. I have been trying to work through this fear through Dr Bray’s therapy, offered in his latest book, “No Open Wounds.” I honestly feel it has helped, and now feel more in control of my life!
I used to describe a PTSD episode like suddenly finding yourself on a slippery dip, with no idea of how you got on it. There’s no way off, just have to ride it to the end.
Most of my flashbacks took place in the shower, believe it or not. Sometimes in a therapy session, but mostly when I was naked and alone, washing my body.
There’s been two notable panic attack type situations that happened in front of other people. One of whom decided she didn’t want to be my friend afterwards (I couldn’t explain at all what had happened to me) and the other who saw what was happening, and helped the best she could. But didn’t ask too many questions, which is kind of helpful at the time.
For me it was always the eyes, which, thanks to EMDR treatments, have now lost their power. But for years they terrorised me.
My therapist gave me a few affirmations to try and remember – I’m safe. That time is over. I’m here now and I’m okay.
Which sort of worked, when I could remember to say them to myself. ;)