I get incredibly irritated by people who tell me that Depression is an indulgence. I wouldn’t pay the Pope for this even if he got down on his knees and begged.
Depression is not like chocolate. You don’t wake up at 3am and think you’ll indulge in some double-mint melancholy nor do you break out the mood disorder because you’ve had a rough day and just one decadent, luxurious piece will surely help. There’s nothing worth savouring about Depression. It doesn’t come in any new fantastic flavours, in fact it doesn’t come in any new varieties at all. It’s the very definition of same old, same old and it gets really old really fast.
I admit I can be, and have been, resistant to change, of any kind — good or bad. But that’s not indulgence. Nobody wants to have to change the way they see themselves. It’s not an easy process. It’s not like painting the walls a new colour. You can’t go back and change your mind again next week.
I don’t consider myself some helpless belle perpetually draped over the metaphorical fainting couch. When I change it’s with all guns blazing, and I make it a point to always get my man, in the end.
He’s still out there and I’ll get him, by golly. But we’re not talking about the movies here. This is reality in every gritty, disgusting detail and it’s a rare prize in itself. We call it life and it’s never the same twice.
I don’t indulge in despair. I hack through it. It’s a concrete jungle and I’m the lion. Alright, a cowardly lion at times but a lion nonetheless.
Despite thoughts to the contrary Depression is not a crutch. It doesn’t support jack. In fact, more often than not, it takes me down a few pegs on the evolutionary scale.
Yes, you can easily get trapped in a cycle of Depression but that still doesn’t make it a conscious decision. It doesn’t mean Depression is a tasty treat I love to hate. It’s a little bit ‘when rape is inevitable,’ and a whole lot of ‘get me the hell out of here.’
I fully understand and live the fact that Depression comes, in part, from my own thoughts, from the wellspring of my imagination and the depths of my experience and perspective but that doesn’t make it my creation. Depression is not something I sculpt because I think Emo is cool or just because I like to play the crazy card — because gee, the stigma is so much fun. You wait till all your friends stop talking to you and then tell me how good a time you’re having.
I don’t wake up and spread misery on my toast because it tastes so damn good. It tastes like stale cardboard with a side of warmed goat’s nuts and beetle juice. Does it sound appetising yet?
Because that’s how utterly ridiculous it is to tell me that Depression is an indulgence. Yes, just like those pesky victims of crime I indulge in the heavenly wonder that is having a mood disorder. Would you like to steal my wallet now, too?
Stop telling me I can simply switch off the pain if only I wanted it enough. I want it, more than anyone has ever wanted to indulge in any flight of fancy, more than any need I’ve ever known.
I don’t indulge in Depression because what I really need is to get well. I’m in the driver’s seat but I don’t always have enough gas, and that’s not a luxury. It’s a fact of life.
(Just so you know – this wasn’t directed at anyone in particular, today. It’s the product of a gradual accumulation of stupid remarks so I thought I’d rant for a while. It happens.)
Oh, I’ve heard this, too, and it always gets my goat. I have also been told that depression is a choice.
Yeah, that stigma is just soooooo much fun. I choose to indulge in that, too. Cripes.
Wise words, Kid.
One of the best “rants” I’ve ever read. Your words ring true, especially to those of us that face depression as our reality.
I needed to better understand what it’s like. Thank you for writing this.
A
People say the most insensitive and ridiculous things.
I would love to kick the ass of the people who said that to you.
It’s definitely not an indulgence.
I have to say that you have some wonderfully absurd ways of depicting how depression is not an indulgence (I particularly liked the idea of it being a minty luxurious chocolate!)
People do say some very stupid things. They have no idea, do they? It makes things more comfortable if they keep the illusion of control …
Well, it’s sure not an indulgence. And I sought relief for years without making much progress. Now that I have, I’m not sure why everything changed. I religiously do my wellness exercises, but I always did. Suddenly something clicked and it went away. But I thank my lucky stars every day.
Yeah, I’ve been told it’s a choice too, Coyote. Pisses me off no end.
Thanks la!
Cheers Sid =)
Glad it could help a bit on that front, ryan.
Thanks, Dina! You rock!
LOL Yeah, I was trying to match absurdity to absurdity, Jennifer. You’re right though – some folks are just plain clueless, and apparently very happy to stay that way.
I’d love to know what that something was, Susan. Maybe it’s the way everything suddenly came to fit together? Like a really complex system suddenly finds its tipping point and there is harmony where before there was chaos. I guess it’s probably different for everybody, where that point is, how you get there but not all of it, thank goodness. I reckon we share a lot more than maybe even we yet know.
You’re probably going to hate me BUT you should read and really read and pay attention to the book The Power of Now by Eckart Tolle.
I’ve been depressed and I refuse to live that way anymore. There are ways to get out of this. None of them are EASY because they all depend on US.
If only we could turn it off at will, what a wonderful thing that would be.
Indulgence? Not that I would wish pain and misery on anyone, but if someone like that could live through a few months of depression, they wouldn’t say that anymore. I would have happily given it away if I could have. I still shudder with abject fear that mine will come back full force.
I would love to have a copy of this to hand out when people make their stupid comments. It’s absolutely perfect.
@Lauren. You probably don’t know me from a bar of soap if you think I’d hate someone for suggesting I read a book.
You’re right – none of the ways out of Depression are EASY. And if you’d read, really read and paid attention to my post you’d have noticed that’s exactly what I said.
Indeed it would, Girl Blue. What a wonderful world that would be!
You’re right, Saintseester. I wouldn’t wish it on anybody, either but I do wish more people understood. Or were willing to. It’s not a choice. It’s an illness. I really hope that given enough time people will start to actually get that.
Heehee You know, Bradley, that comment just made my day. Thanks.
Arg!!!! I was fuming when I just read the first part. I think that people do this out of ignorance like telling us to snap out of it or it gets you out of taking responsibilities. I feel like slugging someone. Depression is so much more complicated. Yes, there are choices that I make that sometimes makes it worse, but that is part of the disease. Besides, who with any physical illness follows physicians orders to the letter. What you said is like saying, “You are wallowing in self-pity or dwelling too much on the past.” Well, most of us to not have enough compassion for ourselves and not facing the past is what got some of here in the first place. So much stigma. How does one combat that. I guess, I need to go back to my little place in the blog world and else where that may impact one person’s view point and we can receive compassion instead of judgement (we do that enough on our own.) I’m done rambling now…Oh, I wish there was a small business type card that could be mass delivered or a mass email that would catch someone’s attention and they would read it. During mental health week, next year, I am going to ask my pastor to speak on mental health in the church or have someone do that. Okay, now I really am done. :-)
I don’t understand how Depression is a choice. People are so ignorant. Just when people who say homosexuality is a choice. It bothers me when people do not do their research to try to understand what they cannot comprehend and they just assume it’s a choice.
I’ve gone through depression. I’ve lived depression throughout my childhood and teen years and it wasn’t until in my adulthood that I learned to suppress it. Sometimes it creeps back up and gets the better of me, but I try to deter it by occupying myself with other things (writing, singing, reading, dancing, etc). It doesn’t always work, but it helps.
I hope you have a better day. :)
*hugs*
I know that this, too, will pass. I’m proud of you for donning the armor and the swords and battling this battle so valiantly.
You can do it, and we’re here, cheering your fabulous self on!
THANK YOU for describing so perfectly, the challenges of living with depression. It was a wonder-filled, validating read!
Great post…Depression is something we cannot turn off or on/or neither is it an indulgence…i deal with “mild” depression and somedays it’s not easy to make it through most days especially when there is pain etc. mixedin with depression. So those who think it is a choice or something we can just turn off are insenstive and uncaring. Thanks for sharing!
Rock on Chica!!!!!!!!!!
Love the way you write when you get mad!!!!!!
@Clueless – LOL I love the business card idea! How awesome would that be ‘eh? Nice rant, though. I am so with you on, well, pretty much all of it!
@Miss Caught Up – Thanks! I don’t get it either. I wish people would be generally just more open to other ideas. There’s a whole world out there if you’re willing to let it in.
@Ash – LOl You rock! Though you may not want to put a sword in my hands…I get distracted by shiny objects ;)
@Strong and Determined – You are most welcome!!
@Terri – Cheers! Yeah, ‘mild’ is a very relative term. I think if people who say it’s an indulgence lived with ‘mild’ for a few days they’d change their minds quick smart.
@Mighty Morgan – Thanks :D
Uh, what everyone else has already said.
I do think it’s ridiculous what some people consider to be choices- mental illnesses, sexual orientation (or they sometimes call it a mental illness), general personality traits, and so on.